What am I doing here?

As a young child I was described (labeled) as “shy”. I was reserved around others, including family members. 

As a young child I was called (labeled) as a “failure to thrive” when it came to my weight. I was a “picky” (another label) eater. I couldn’t gain weight and fell into the low percentile for girls my age. 

As a young child I was also “sensitive” (noticing a trend yet?). I cried and whined often. I was often told I was “overly sensitive” or “dramatic”.

That became an inner belief system about me.

I’m shy. I’m a failure to thrive. I’m picky. I’m sensitive. I’m dramatic.

This led me to having very low self-esteem and low confidence. I felt like everyone was watching me and judging me, all the time. My anxiety was stuck in high gear often. There was always this feeling of expecting something awful to happen. My body responded in “freeze” as a coping mechanism. Which ironically, I believed was me just being “shy”. I could feel the changes in my body, but I couldn’t control it, mostly because I didn’t understand it. My stomach would turn. My blood pressure would drop. My appetite was gone. Even my executive functioning was compromised. I felt like I had a spotlight on me even though I knew that wasn’t true. I would continue to withdraw and live in an emotional state of fear for many years to come until I had my “AHA moment” later in life as an adult. 

Now, do I think my parents meant any harm to me by using this language? Absolutely not. 

Did it cause harm to me? Absolutely yes!

Then I became a parent myself and my own children behaved in a way that I began to label as, “whiney” or “sensitive”. At some point I would make the connection and say something along the lines of, “just like me when I was young”. It wasn’t until I was quite a few years deep into my parenting that I realized I was passing this unintentional harm right along to the most impressionable humans in my life: My children.

THAT’S WHEN IT HIT ME. THAT’S WHEN I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO MAKE THE CHANGE!

I was going to have to do something different. Different from what was offered to me. Different than what I knew existed. I wanted to make sure I heard and saw them. I wanted to make sure I allowed them to safely express and explore their feelings. All of them. Even the uncomfortable or unfamiliar ones. I wanted to be better. For them. For their children. For their grandchildren. 

My journey of breaking generational patterns started 15 years ago. There wasn’t a resource, book, or professional I wasn’t open to exploring. I was determined to educate myself in order to change this pattern. Learning. Unlearning. Exploring. Changing. Evolving. At times I felt like I was losing my mind while simultaneously finding my heart and soul in my parenting. (Not much has changed in that regard, it’s kind of an ongoing process while raising children ha-ha!) 

In 2019, I became a Family Partner through a Counseling Agency. There, I worked with other parents who were experiencing strong behaviors and emotions from their children. I was able to support many families in creating new ways of life, new opportunities for connection, strengthening skills and relationships, and so much more. Unfortunately, because I was contracted under a health insurance policy, there was a limit to the services that I was able to provide.

In 2021 I went back to school at The JAI Institute for Parenting. Now I am the Founder of Parenting with Purpose. I run my own business and can serve parents without any restrictions.

The reason this is so important to me is because I was once that young child. I was labeled and that held me back in so many detrimental ways. The intention behind sharing my story is not to shame or blame my parents. They love me wholeheartedly. I know that. I feel that from them. However, the truth remains, I had needs that were not met because of these labels and that significantly hindered me. I take my experience and, without anger or resentment (which I did carry for some time and managed to work through) use it for the greater good of the future of children and parents alike. 

I am a better Person, Mother, Daughter, Wife, Friend, Grandmother, etc. because I have this understanding. I don’t carry my childhood around the way that I used to. My children will now be stronger and braver. We will be able to communicate in healthy ways even when it is uncomfortable. The honor and respect that we have established with each other will continue to hold safety in our relationships. 

The best gift I ever could give my children was the gift of healing my own inner child.